Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Service Plumber's Code

The Service Plumber's Code
By Ike Tippetts

  • The best smell in the world comes from a freshly soldered pipe.
  • The worst smell comes from the back of your truck.
  • There are only two things that are more fun than a good argument about what causes slab leaks, and they cannot be mentioned. 
  • You go to pawn shops looking for one of your old drills. 
  • When you see one of your old drills at a pawn shop, you burst into tears, then you get angry, then you buy it.
  • Your customers like you so much they shake your hand even after you've snaked their drains. 
  • When you find what was stopping the customer's drains, you are discrete.
  • You measure your past life based on how many re-pipes you've done. 
  • You measure your current life based on how many relatives you've helped for free. 
  • Your daughter was born the weekend you were on-call. 
  • You encourage your sons to be politicians because it's easy work.
  • You never criticize another plumber even though he works for a different company but it's ok to make fun of his cheap tools. 
  • If he dug a slab leak with a screw driver, tell everyone. 
  • When someone criticizes you, you wonder whether he's ever dug an 8 foot hole by himself in the middle of the night. 
  • There are a pair of muddy boots on the side of the house that will never be revived.
  • Sewage on the ground isn't hazardous to you, it's your bread-and-butter. 
  • You wonder who will get your tools after you're gone and whether they'll take care of them the way you did.
  • You think the Dispatcher is taking care of you but you can't prove that she isn't messing with you.
  • You bite your tongue when the Dispatcher sends you clear across town. 
  • She bites you back when you grumble. 
  • You barbeque steak in the winter and hot dogs in the summer. 
  • You couldn't wash your hands at lunch time but it didn't matter because your burrito was wrapped. 
  • Your first concern when you go on a picnic is how fast you can get back to your truck if you get a service call and whether the kids can get home before dark. 
  • A good soldering torch is a work of art. 
  • A borrowed torch is always out of gas.
  • You wonder why the office tells you what to do when you know more than they do.  
  • You've had at least one pair of channel locks lifted by another plumber or left on the bumper! 
  • You've "found" at least one pair of channel locks and called it Karma.
  • Never ask for directions -- no matter what. 
  • If you get lost, it's the Dispatcher's fault for not giving you directions.

This is the code for now.