The Service Plumber's Code

The Service Plumber's Code
By Ike Tippetts

• The best smell in the world comes from a freshly soldered pipe.
• The worst smell comes from the back of your truck.
• There are only two things that are more fun than a good argument about what causes slab leaks, and they cannot be mentioned. 
• You go to pawn shops looking for one of your old drills. 
• When you see one of your old drills at a pawn shop, you burst into tears, then you get angry, then you buy it.
• Your customers like you so much they shake your hand even after you've snaked their drains. 
• When you find what was stopping the customer's drains, you are discrete.
• You measure your past life based on how many re-pipes you've done. 
• You measure your current life based on how many relatives you've helped for free. 
• Your daughter was born the weekend you were on-call. 
• You encourage your sons to be politicians because it's easy work.
• You never criticize another plumber even though he works for a different company but it's ok to make fun of his cheap tools. 
• If he dug a slab leak with a screw driver, tell everyone. 
• When someone criticizes you, you wonder whether he's ever dug an 8 foot hole by himself in the middle of the night. 
• There are a pair of muddy boots on the side of the house that will never be revived.
• Sewage on the ground isn't hazardous to you, it's your bread-and-butter. 
• You wonder who will get your tools after you're gone and whether they'll take care of them the way you did.
• You think the Dispatcher is taking care of you but you can't prove that she isn't messing with you.
• You bite your tongue when the Dispatcher sends you clear across town. 
• She bites you back when you grumble. 
• You barbeque steak in the winter and hot dogs in the summer. 
• You couldn't wash your hands at lunch time but it didn't matter because your burrito was wrapped. 
• Your first concern when you go on a picnic is how fast you can get back to your truck if you get a service call and whether the kids can get home before dark. 
• A good soldering torch is a work of art. 
• A borrowed torch is always out of gas.
• You wonder why the office tells you what to do when you know more than they do.  
• You've had at least one pair of channel locks lifted by another plumber or left on the bumper! 
• You've "found" at least one pair of channel locks and called it Karma.
• Never ask for directions -- no matter what. 
• If you get lost, it's the Dispatcher's fault for not giving you directions.

This is the code for now.