The Service Plumber's Code
By Ike Tippetts
By Ike Tippetts
- The best smell in the world comes from a freshly soldered pipe.
- The worst smell comes from the back of your truck.
- There are only two things that are more fun than a good argument about what causes slab leaks, and they cannot be mentioned.
- You go to pawn shops looking for one of your old drills.
- When you see one of your old drills at a pawn shop, you burst into tears, then you get angry, then you buy it.
- Your customers like you so much they shake your hand even after you've snaked their drains.
- When you find what was stopping the customer's drains, you are discrete.
- You measure your past life based on how many re-pipes you've done.
- You measure your current life based on how many relatives you've helped for free.
- Your daughter was born the weekend you were on-call.
- You encourage your sons to be politicians because it's easy work.
- You never criticize another plumber even though he works for a different company but it's ok to make fun of his cheap tools.
- If he dug a slab leak with a screw driver, tell everyone.
- When someone criticizes you, you wonder whether he's ever dug an 8 foot hole by himself in the middle of the night.
- There are a pair of muddy boots on the side of the house that will never be revived.
- Sewage on the ground isn't hazardous to you, it's your bread-and-butter.
- You wonder who will get your tools after you're gone and whether they'll take care of them the way you did.
- You think the Dispatcher is taking care of you but you can't prove that she isn't messing with you.
- You bite your tongue when the Dispatcher sends you clear across town.
- She bites you back when you grumble.
- You barbeque steak in the winter and hot dogs in the summer.
- You couldn't wash your hands at lunch time but it didn't matter because your burrito was wrapped.
- Your first concern when you go on a picnic is how fast you can get back to your truck if you get a service call and whether the kids can get home before dark.
- A good soldering torch is a work of art.
- A borrowed torch is always out of gas.
- You wonder why the office tells you what to do when you know more than they do.
- You've had at least one pair of channel locks lifted by another plumber or left on the bumper!
- You've "found" at least one pair of channel locks and called it Karma.
- Never ask for directions -- no matter what.
- If you get lost, it's the Dispatcher's fault for not giving you directions.
This is the code for now.